New Maryland 'wind phone' helps people grieve lost loved ones
Old telephone along nature trail helps users feel comforted, connected
The phone is unconnected, but it reaches through space and time to help the grieving connect with lost loved ones.
It's a "wind phone," spearheaded by the village's Deputy Mayor Tim Scammell after he read a CBC article about a similar project in Deer Lake, N.L.
Having just lost his father, Doug Scammell, 84, unexpectedly in November, he thought, "'Wow, that's a very good idea.'"
"Even if you were there at the end and you said what you wanted to say … there will always be more that you might want to say to them, or things that you missed," said Scammell, who lost his mother Zoe Porter, 71, and younger sister Hayley Peterson, 42, just months apart in 2008.
"Maybe you didn't say, 'I love you,' and you wish you did. So maybe this will help, because sometimes people have regrets, things 'I wish I did or I wish I said' and, you know, maybe this will help ease their mind."
Originated in Japan 13 years ago
The concept originated in northeastern Japan in 2010. Itaru Sasaki, who was mourning the loss of his cousin to cancer, set up an old-fashioned phone booth in his garden with an unconnected rotary-dial phone inside, and named it kaze no denwa, the Telephone of the Wind.
"Because my thoughts could not be relayed over a regular phone line, I wanted them to be carried on the wind," he said in a documentary by Japan's public broadcaster, NHK.
A year later, when a 9.1-magnitude earthquake and tsunami with 30-foot waves hit the area, killing some 20,000 people, Sasaki relocated his phone booth to a windy hill overlooking the Pacific Ocean and opened it up to the public.
Since then, more than 30,000 people have reportedly used the phone, and it has inspired numerous others popping up around the world. More than 100 are currently registered on mywindphone.com, including seven in Canada — in Newfoundland, Nova Scotia, Quebec, Alberta, two in B.C., and now, in New Brunswick.
'Labour of love'
Scammell said he took the idea to New Maryland council and said, "'I think we should do this,' and they said, 'Yeah, absolutely.'"
He was teamed up with Rockland Miller, the village's public works supervisor, whose mother Shirley Miller, 74, had died suddenly during surgery in December.
"Between us it was definitely a labour of love," said Scammell.
The wind phone has a six-foot cable and a bench beside it, so people can have lots of room and be comfortable, said Scammell. (Tim Scammell)
Miller says he was "inspired by the project and the whole premise behind it.
"I was very willing to help out in any way that I could."
He created what Scammell envisioned. The phone is mounted on a walnut-stained wooden box, reminiscent of a pay phone, and hangs from a cedar along the Fletcher's Walk loop.
It's a quiet area that will provide privacy for people to talk, he said, and it's beside a wooden bench so they can sit and stay as long as they like.
Miller also drilled an extra hole in the phone's receiver, which allows the breeze to blow through, creating soothing sounds, much like putting your ear to a seashell. So even if people aren't ready to talk, they can listen.
A plaque reads, in part: "This Wind Phone is for all who grieve. You are welcome to find solace here. Please use it to connect with those you have lost. To feel the comfort of their memory. May you hear their voices in the wind. May you be at peace with your losses."
The
wind phone project cost about $100 for the wood and stain, said
Scammell. Bell donated the phone and Mike Hay of Traffic Depot Signs
& Safety donated the plaque. (Rockland Miller)
'Beautiful idea' could help 'normalize grief'
"We use the phone all the time and the idea that you could pick up the phone and call someone who you're missing is a beautiful idea," said Albert Banerjee, an assistant professor of gerontology at St. Thomas University in Fredericton, who has worked in hospice, palliative care and long-term care, and also has degrees in psychology and sociology.
Banerjee, who has a special interest in mortality and how society deals with "finitude and impermanence," has talked about wind phones in his classes and is happy to see one in the province.
"Anything that can normalize grief and give people a place to grieve and make it public and visible and allow people to be comfortable with it, I think it's wonderful," said Banerjee, the New Brunswick Health Research Foundation's research chair in community health and aging.
Scammell,
second from left, recently used the wind phone to update his late
father Doug, on his twin sons, Braydon and Tyler, who celebrated their
25th birthday last week. Tyler decided to study civil engineering to
follow in his grandfather’s footsteps and is very sad he will not get to
see him graduate, he said. (Submitted by Tim Scammell)
Grief is something most people will experience in their lifetime — "if they're lucky," he noted, referring to having formed close relationships.
And he believes there's "quite a bit of unprocessed grief" right now, due in part to the isolation the COVID-19 pandemic created.
It's important to deal with grief, stressed Banerjee. Otherwise, it can result in fear or avoidance, or cause people to "act out."
"It can hold us back from life," he said.
'The Leafs are still in there, Dad'
Scammell has already used the phone a few times to talk to his dad, who died after a suspected fall. "We believe he hit his head, and that was it."
They always had a close relationship, he said. Growing up, his father was his Scouts leader and coached his hockey and baseball teams. Later, they both worked in the construction business in Toronto.
"I've strived to be as much like him as possible and often sought guidance from him," he said.
Scammell lost his mother Zoe and sister Hayley just months apart nearly 15 years ago. (Submitted by Tim Scammell)
They kept in touch and Scammell says he ended every conversation with, "I love you."
Since his death, there have been many times when he thought, "I gotta tell Dad about this," or "I gotta ask my dad about that.
"And then the realization hits."
As far as spirituality and stuff, I'm not sure how I am, but there's something going on in the universe.
- Tim Scammell, New Maryland deputy mayor
When he first used the phone, he didn't know what to say at first. But his dad was a "huge Blue Jays and Maple Leafs fan." So he told him, "The Leafs are still in there, Dad."
He has also talked about what's going on with the family, he said, noting his twin sons Tyler and Braydon, who also had a close relationship with their grandfather, just celebrated their 25th birthdays last week.
He even asked his father to say hi to his mother and sister for him.
"As far as spirituality and stuff, I'm not sure how I am, but there's something going on in the universe," he said of the wind phone.
'Haven't found the words'
Miller has visited the phone a couple of times but hasn't managed to talk to his mom yet.
"I still haven't found the words," he said.
He finds it difficult to even think about her death.
"You always know that there's risks to surgeries, but I guess we were all thinking that she would have the surgery and she would recover and we move on from there."
Miller says his mother Shirley, who died in December, was one of nine children, a hard worker, and a giving person. (Rockland Miller)
"We just miss her," he said, his voice strained with emotion.
The mother of four and grandmother of several, who served as a volunteer firefighter for 40 years, and loved to knit and crochet, was a very giving person, said Miller.
"She was forever doing stuff for somebody else. … She would do anything for anyone," he said.
"And if I would have known that was, like, the last time I was going to speak to her, I think there probably would have been more that I would have said. More comforting thoughts, I guess."
Miller is still searching for the right words to say to his late mother over the wind phone. (Rockland Miller)
Miller does plan to have a "conversation" with his mother, he said.
For now, he hopes she's proud of his role in this "worthwhile" project, and he hopes many people in the community will benefit from it.
With files from Information Morning Fredericton
Methinks folks should ask the Deputy Mayor what we talked about about on a real telephone in 2008 before he was elected the first time N'esy Pas?