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Mother not allowed to see dying son, though both were patients on same N.B. hospital floor
Cormier family says when it comes to hospital visits, decisions should be made on a 'case-by-case basis'
Marie Anne Cormier, seen her with her husband Edouard and sons Guy, centre, and Danny, was not able to see Guy before he died on Feb. 7 even though she was a patient on the same floor of the hospital as her son. (Submitted by Sharlene Cormier)
Danny Cormier of Lakeville struggles to hold back tears when he talks about his mother not being allowed to be with his brother, Guy, who died of cancer on Feb. 7 at Moncton's Dr. Georges-L-Dumont Hospital.
Guy had been admitted to hospital on Jan. 22 and doctors quickly discovered he had an aggressive form of cancer, said Sharlene Cormier, Danny's wife and Guy's sister-in-law. No one from the family was allowed to visit because of COVID-19 restrictions during the orange phase.
"He would try to call us every night and update us," Sharlene said of Guy's time in hospital. "We could tell that his voice was getting worse and he was begging the hospital to be able to let at least one of us in. That didn't happen."
Sharlene Cormier, seen here with her brother-in-law Guy Cormier, said losing him suddenly to cancer has been a shock for the family. She hopes that by sharing their story, changes will be made to the strict no-visitor rules at hospitals. (Submitted by Sharlene Cormier)
Everything "came to a head" on Feb. 6, when Guy and Danny's mother, Marie Anne, fell at home and was taken by ambulance to hospital.
Again, COVID-19 restrictions meant she had to go alone, and no one was allowed to see her at the hospital.
"They took her away which was very difficult," Sharlene said. "And 45 minutes after that they got the call from the hospital that my brother-in-law had turned for the worse … they needed to go to the hospital."
The calls for more compassionate visiting rules at New Brunswick hospitals are growing as families share their heartbreaking stories of not being able to see vulnerable or dying loved ones.
Mother not allowed to say good-bye to her son
Danny and his father, Edouard, were allowed to take turns visiting Guy that night because he was palliative.
Meanwhile, Marie Anne was in the emergency department, but Sharlene said no one from the family was allowed to see her to tell her what was happening.
Edouard Cormier has not seen his wife Marie Anne since she was admitted to hospital on Feb. 6. He spoke to her once over the phone but didn't have the heart to tell her their son had died. (Submitted by Sharlene Cormier)
The family returned home after visiting Guy, and after a sleepless night, Danny and his father drove back to the hospital on Feb. 7. Guy wasn't expected to live past noon.
Sharlene said that when he arrived, Danny anxiously checked on his mother and his brother.
"His brother was in room 4D and his mother was in 4A. So he asked if instead of him to go in, if they could get his mother so his mother could be with her son."
Danny and Sharlene break down when they tell what happened next.
"I asked the nurses if it was possible for my mother to visit," Danny said, explaining that his mother was at one end of the hall and his brother at the other. "They wouldn't let us, they wouldn't let my mother visit."
"[Marie Anne] couldn't go down because of COVID and Danny and his father couldn't go see her because of COVID, so Guy passed at around five o'clock and they could not go tell her," Sharlene said through tears.
'I would have gladly switched places'
Danny said the days since his brother's death have been excruciating.
"I would have gladly switched places," he said of allowing his mother into the room with his dying brother, "but it didn't work out that way."
Danny Cormier, left, and his family are asking for exceptions to the strict COVID-19 rules that prevented his mother from being with his brother Guy, seen here, before he died in hospital earlier in February. (Submitted by Sharlene Cormier)
Neither he nor his father have been permitted to visit his mother, who remains in hospital with signs of dementia. Danny expects she will be there until a nursing home bed is available.
After nearly two weeks, no one has been able to tell her that her son has died.
"We don't want her to know it all over the phone," Danny said. "The nurses let her talk on the phone to my dad, and my dad didn't have the heart to tell her over the phone."
Changes to rules needed
The Cormiers said they would be more than willing to take whatever precautions necessary to safely visit Marie Anne.
Danny understands there are COVID-19 regulations that must be followed but still thinks it's "silly" that his mother, who was on the same floor of the hospital that day, wasn't allowed to see her son.
"I feel the situations have to be looked at case-by-case," Sharlene said. "I feel we're losing our empathy, we're losing compassion, human connection."
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The family hopes that by sharing their story, others will see "they're not alone."
"The rules need to be changed. One size doesn't fit all," said Sharlene. "They need to do something."
Sharlene Cormier's brother-in-law and her mother-in-law were both patients on the same hospital floor, but weren't able to see one another. 13:04
Misty McLaughlin has been trying to get permission for someone in her family to visit her ailing mother at the Chalmers hospital in Fredericton.
"It is devastating," she said. "Mom has been there for us our entire lives. This is the one time she needs us and we can't be there for her."
McLaughlin said her mother has terminal cancer. Until Feb. 9, she thought she had a year or two to live but was then diagnosed with a second type of cancer that "significantly" shortened the timeline.
No one has been able to visit her since.
"Nobody knows the date this will all end for her," said McLaughlin. "Every day with her is precious time that we're losing."
Visits possible if death is near
Patients receiving end-of-life care are allowed visitors during the orange phase, but McLaughlin's mother is not believed to be close to death.
She's in the orthopedics unit, while staff try to "stabilize" a medical issue she's been having.
"Every day, we've been told she's coming home, but almost two weeks later she's still not here."
McLaughlin is worried the hospital staff think her mother is in better condition than she really is because she doesn't like to cause a fuss and has been trying to do a lot of things on her own.
"We're very stressed. She's in there by herself - alone, discouraged, scared. And the further stress is exacerbating her situation."
A statement from the Horizon Health Network's clinical vice-president Geri Geldart said she "fully understands" the frustration.
Two networks have different rules
The network is trying to strike balance between compassion and safety, she said, adding it's sometimes "heartbreaking" for staff to have to enforce the COVID-19 visiting restrictions.
Visiting rules are different from one health network to another.
For palliative care patients in Horizon Health hospitals, 10 designated visitors are allowed, one at a time, or two at a time when the patient nears death. That applies to all recovery levels from yellow to lockdown.
For palliative care patients in Vitalite hospitals, only two designated visitors are allowed during orange phase, one at a time.
About the Author
80-year-old kicked out of hospital for holding husband's hand
Kim Crevatin begs for compassion for elderly father who has dementia and can only communicate through touch
Kim Crevatin and her family have been navigating the changing COVID-19 restrictions at New Brunswick long-term care homes and hospitals since the pandemic began.
The Riverview woman understands the need to keep vulnerable populations safe but believes there should be more compassion for people like her father, who has Alzheimer's and is living in hospital as he waits for a nursing home bed.
"He can say a few words, but he can't really communicate," Crevatin said of her dad, Kendyl Terris. "The only way that we can really communicate with him is through touch, is through holding his hand, talking to him, hugging him. He still responds with hugs — he'll hug you back if you hug him."
Terris had been in a special care home, but his condition deteriorated quickly when visits were suspended early on in the pandemic, and he was transferred to the Moncton Hospital in July.
While the province was in the yellow phase of its pandemic recovery plan for the summer and much of the fall, Crevatin's 80-year-old mother and other family members were able to visit the hospital every day. Crevatin describes being able to see her dad as "heart-lifting" and said her parents would hold hands for hours.
"We could listen to music with him and just be really close to him," she said.
Her father was moved to the fifth floor of the hospital after Christmas and the family was surprised to find out the rules for visitors had changed, even though the region remained in the yellow phase.
"All of a sudden we couldn't hold his hand. We had to sit in the chair with an X marked on the floor that was six feet away and we were kind of like, 'Wow, you know, this is really different.'"
'Maybe there could be an exception made'
Crevatin said her mother, Lonny, was escorted out of the hospital by security after a nurse "caught" her reaching out to hold her husband's hand shortly after the move to the fifth floor.
"Most of the nurses in that unit were fantastic and very understanding, but there was a couple that were very into just ... following the rules," she said.
"They've been married for 60 years. It's very hard for my mother not to hold his hand, not to go up close to him, to touch him — especially since that's our only form of communication with him."
When the nurse asked her mother to return to her chair, two metres away, she did but Crevatin said two security guards were still called and they escorted her mother out of the hospital.
"She's crying her eyes out because this is really embarrassing for her. And she feels like she's done something wrong, that she's a criminal."
Crevatin said a hospital employee who screens visitors saw what was happening and handed her mother a card, suggesting she contact the patient advocate. One of the security guards apologized and told her mother: "I'm just doing my job. I don't necessarily agree with what I have to do here."
Shortly after that incident, the Moncton region was returned to the orange phase of recovery on Jan. 6, and no one has been allowed to visit Kendyl Terris since.
Crevatin has spoken with the patient advocate and with hospital management and said people keep telling her "you're not the only one going through this situation."
LISTEN | Moncton woman can't visit father with Alzheimer's:
Information Morning - Moncton
Moncton woman unable to visit her 80-year-old father with Alzheimer's despite loosened
Kim Crevatin hasn't been able to see her 80-year-old father in over 6 weeks. 15:42
While she understands that, she wants Horizon Health to consider exceptions for families who have loved ones "living in the hospital through no fault of their own" as they wait for nursing home beds.
"Maybe there could be an exception made where one person could go in at least just to see them — so that they can know that somebody's still there," she said.
"My dad is not somebody that just went in for a surgery, he's not somebody that's sick and has just gone in and can communicate with you and is coming back home."
On its website, Horizon Health states that since the Moncton area has returned to the orange phase, "strict visitor restrictions are now in place."
A spokesperson for Horizon Health did not answer specific questions from CBC about the family's case, including the day Lonny Terris was escorted out of the hospital.
"Essentially, there are no visitors allowed during the orange phase, with a few exceptions," senior communications adviser Kris McDavid said in an email.
Minister of Health Dorothy Shephard said it is a "difficult situation" for many families.
"We have all received many pleas to allow visitation, and we in no way want to bear this hardship on families, but the fact is that the risk is extremely high to open up visitation," Shephard said during a news conference on Tuesday.
"These will be conversations that will be ongoing, they will be assessed on an ongoing basis, and if changes can be made we'll be the first to jump at it, but it is about managing the risk to our most vulnerable."
Falling through the cracks
Crevatin is hopeful her father will be transferred to a nursing home soon, and her mother will be able to visit him again.
In the meantime, she worries people like her dad are falling through the cracks.
"There's an exception made for the palliative patients — which there should be — so I just think that maybe there needs to be a look at other possible exceptions as well."
Lonny Terris has been trying to stay positive during the pandemic even though regular visits with her husband haven't been possible. She spends time with her grandsons, Cohen and Hunter, who do their best to cheer her up. (Submitted by Kim Crevatin)Crevatin said her mother "hasn't been doing great" and is struggling after weeks of no communication with her husband.
"She's been trying to stay as positive as she can," she said. "I have a seven and a 12-year-old and she loves to come over and see them and they can cheer her up so that's what she's been trying to do."
About the Author
With files from Information Morning Moncton
It appears that those "in authority" in NB are simply afraid to "think" because they are all scared witless they will lose their jobs.
Those "on high" make up really silly rules, leaving it to those we get to see to enforce them, sensible or not.